Growing Through Fog


Fog clouds hover in cool night air. The highway disappears into a thick grey cloud until all I can see are yellow lines. I stare hard, removing my foot from the gas pedal. Yellow lines fade into clouds and, for a moment, I wonder if I’ll find the end of the earth in this fog. I slow to a crawl. My heart beats faster as I search for lines – pavement – anything to show I’m still on the right side of the road … or on the road at all. My heart sinks to my toes as I consider what could happen if someone else were in this cloud too…

Sometimes I find myself in spiritual fog and wonder if God’s finished with me. Did I finally mess up and disobey beyond what His patience will endure? Will he finally give up on me and leave me this way?

Recent spiritual numbness left me asking these questions. I’ve experienced that fire –that insatiable hunger for God, and want to have it again. But day after day, it didn’t come.

I read my Bible anyway (sometimes), and prayed anyway (sort of) but still no excitement – no fire, no passion. Had I become lukewarm? Scary thought.

Today, I tasted light.

First, I read these words: (from “The Pressure’s Off” by Larry Crabb)

“In that moment, something became clear: Whether my passion for God became compelling in this or any moment is up to the Spirit. It’s a sovereign work of grace. All I can do is want it and wait.”

Freeing words.

Later today, as conversation with a friend turned to spiritual matters, I was stunned at what came out of my mouth – truth, encouragement, challenge, insight. What I had been reading and praying had secretly hidden in my heart and burst out at the right time.

A few tears escaped down my cheek. Evidence! God hasn’t left me alone! He is with me! He is here, speaking to both of our hearts! He has helped me to hide these truths in my heart to be used for His glory. Praise the Lord – He’s not finished with me yet!!

Let us, your servants, see you work again; let our children see your glory.
 And may the Lord our God show us his approval
      and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!
Psalm 90:16,17

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
      and he turned to me and heard my cry.
Psalm 40:1

I have tried hard to find you - don’t let me wander from your commands.
 I have hidden your word in my heart,
that I might not sin against you.
Psalm 119:10-11

Thank you, Jesus that you are with me even when it doesn’t feel like it. Thank you for this encouragement – this confirmation that I am in your will, I am following you, and you are still with me. Sometimes the path gets so foggy, I’m not sure I’m on it anymore. Lord, help me not to doubt, not to fear. You are with me. Thank you Lord! You are patient and merciful and just. I love you. Amen. 




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5 comments:

MTJ said...

Hi Kim,

Like you, I too have recently wondered, Have I finally exasperated the Lord to the point where He won't speak to me? It is a strange and terrifying thought to hear the silence of God. I kept praying and reading scripture but the doubts were definitely there.

I reached the point where I openly confessed that "Lord, you are my only hope and that if what I'm doing is meaningless, then I am a living example of futility; but I refuse to give up my hope in Christ."

It never occurred to me (until I read this post) that, "What I had been reading and praying had secretly hidden in my heart and burst out at the right time." -- It's as if the Lord had taken me offline, recharging and storing in me the word of life.

"And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary." -- Your grace is sufficient for me Lord.

Blessings and peace to you this day.

MTJ

Family, Money and Stuff said...

Oooh - that's a powerful verse too! Thanks!

Faith Imagined said...

Amen! I love this line, "What I had been reading and praying had secretly hidden in my heart and burst out at the right time." I love when this happens to me because I realize that I am always growing in Christ even when I don't 'feel' like I am!

Sab said...

Sometimes the Bible can be scary... things we read will suddenly pop off the page and we wonder 'where do I fit in all this'. I don't like it, but I'm learning that at least I am wondering, and that means I am yearning and changing and becoming... right?

Thanks for this post. I love the story of the fog. I can completely connect with that!

V said...

how true is this hey!!? That's all i even have to say!!

We sometimes don't even realise how God is working through us, even if it feels like we can't "see"
Maybe we can't see, coz we don't have God's eyes!!