As the day drew near that I would speak to a room full of people, my mind flooded with doubt. And the doubt was not related at all to what I was about to do. These fiery arrows were aimed at the heart of my perception of God and self. Not now! I thought. I don’t have time to question why I exist right now!! Even though I knew it was all built on lies, I somehow couldn’t fight feelings of condemnation. I started to crumble…
Thankfully, someone wisely pointed out the cycle. It’s not uncommon and happens to us all. Satan is on a mission to stop us, distract us, to steal and destroy. Every time I need to step up – to take any step of faith, war is waged and flaming arrows are flung.
So what can I do in the heat of battle? Sometimes at my weakest, it’s all I can do to hide behind that shield of faith. I rack my brain for evidence of God’s power in my life. As He reminds me of His faithfulness and points out His work, I remember I am not weak. I have His strength.
Believing that I’m in His hands and control, I asked God for truth and understanding. I asked Him to forgive me for being blind, and to open my eyes to the truth. Then I drew that sword of truth and hacked away at the lies. Lies. LIES!!!
The public speaking thing went well by the way. I clung to a recent challenge I’d received – ‘let your fear feed your faith’. I had two options; turn that fear into excitement and enjoy the ride, or crumble under the pressure of it and wimp out. I grabbed it with both hands, knowing God gave me this to do and is with me, so I went for it. I did it for Him, and trusted Him to provide me with words.
It was awesome – God miraculously gave me total calm. Yes, it IS a miracle. Never in my life have I spoken in front of others (or sang) without my heart pounding so hard I fear a coronary. (Even posting a devotional can get me nervous!) Each time, even the thought of standing up in front of others sends my stomach plummeting to my toes. My knees wobble and legs tremble… I begin to look around for a pail to get sick in. It’s daunting.
But this time, from the moment I arrived and even when I rose to speak, there were none of those things! Complete calm and joy. I knew then, that people were praying for me and God was with me.
The heat of battle has passed, and I’ve hacked away at the lies … but they are not gone. The enemy continues his assault, sometimes in my subconscious – in ways I can’t even recognize. He’ll surprise me with new lies, wear me down with old ones, or confuse me with lies that look just like truth. If I cling to God and know his truth, he’ll help me see the difference. He’ll also give me the power to fight.
The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
For every child of God defeats this evil world,
and we achieve this victory through our faith.
1 John 5:4
In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith
to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.
Put on salvation as your helmet,
and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Lord, thank you for strengthening me for the tasks you give me. Thank you for the plan you have for my life. I pray you would equip me with strong faith, eyes that see truth, and a heart for you. Please sift these lies from me, that I would walk in truth and light. Thank you Lord, that I achieve victory through faith in you. You are awesome and powerful! Amen.