The Battle and The Sword

                                               

Sword Battleaxe Shield Clip Art
As the day drew near that I would speak to a room full of people, my mind flooded with doubt. And the doubt was not related at all to what I was about to do. These fiery arrows were aimed at the heart of my perception of God and self. Not now! I thought. I don’t have time to question why I exist right now!!  Even though I knew it was all built on lies, I somehow couldn’t fight feelings of condemnation. I started to crumble…

Thankfully, someone wisely pointed out the cycle. It’s not uncommon and happens to us all. Satan is on a mission to stop us, distract us, to steal and destroy. Every time I need to step up – to take any step of faith, war is waged and flaming arrows are flung.

So what can I do in the heat of battle? Sometimes at my weakest, it’s all I can do to hide behind that shield of faith. I rack my brain for evidence of God’s power in my life. As He reminds me of His faithfulness and points out His work, I remember I am not weak. I have His strength.

Believing that I’m in His hands and control, I asked God for truth and understanding. I asked Him to forgive me for being blind, and to open my eyes to the truth. Then I drew that sword of truth and hacked away at the lies. Lies. LIES!!!

The public speaking thing went well by the way. I clung to a recent challenge I’d received – ‘let your fear feed your faith’. I had two options; turn that fear into excitement and enjoy the ride, or crumble under the pressure of it and wimp out. I grabbed it with both hands, knowing God gave me this to do and is with me, so I went for it. I did it for Him, and trusted Him to provide me with words.

It was awesome – God miraculously gave me total calm. Yes, it IS a miracle. Never in my life have I spoken in front of others (or sang) without my heart pounding so hard I fear a coronary. (Even posting a devotional can get me nervous!) Each time, even the thought of standing up in front of others sends my stomach plummeting to my toes. My knees wobble and legs tremble… I begin to look around for a pail to get sick in. It’s daunting.

But this time, from the moment I arrived and even when I rose to speak, there were none of those things! Complete calm and joy. I knew then, that people were praying for me and God was with me.

The heat of battle has passed, and I’ve hacked away at the lies … but they are not gone.  The enemy continues his assault, sometimes in my subconscious – in ways I can’t even recognize. He’ll surprise me with new lies, wear me down with old ones, or confuse me with lies that look just like truth. If I cling to God and know his truth, he’ll help me see the difference. He’ll also give me the power to fight.

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
John 10:10

For every child of God defeats this evil world,
and we achieve this victory through our faith.
1 John 5:4

In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith
to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 
Put on salvation as your helmet,
and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Ephesians 6:16,17

Lord, thank you for strengthening me for the tasks you give me. Thank you for the plan you have for my life. I pray you would equip me with strong faith, eyes that see truth, and a heart for you. Please sift these lies from me, that I would walk in truth and light. Thank you Lord, that I achieve victory through faith in you. You are awesome and powerful! Amen.

9 comments:

MTJ said...

Hi Kim,

At this moment, I feel a great sense of joy because I'm thankful to God that you avail yourself for His purpose; writing words that inspire and encourage others, you have no need to fear, God is your mighty strength.

Blessings and peace.

MTJ

From The Heart Online said...

Amen! Praise the Lord who gives me strength, words, and purpose!

Sharon Kirby said...

Kim - These were powerful words! I can't believe how timely they are for me. I have a handful of women, including myself, who are battling these arrows aimed at our hearts. Questioning our purposes, doubting our gifts, lacking self-esteem, thinking we're not good enough...on and on and on.

I thought this was really profound: "He'll [the enemy] surprise me with new lies, wear me down with old ones, or confuse me with lies that look just like truth." Oh, that is so RIGHT ON!

May the Lord give us discernment as we weed out the lies and abide in His truth - and may He arm us with His Word as we wage war!!

GOD BLESS, Kim - thanks for this one!

From The Heart Online said...

Wow. I love reading how God touches your heart! I pray you and your friends are encouraged, and that God strengthens you!

Amy Sullivan said...

Good for you for facing this.

Public speaking, ugh. Public singing, UGH!

Some friends and I were just talking this week about the devil planting self-doubt within us and making us question things we know to be true.

Really relevant post.

Faith Imagined said...

That is so wonderful! It is amazing when God gives us an unexplainable peace like that! I am so happy it went well for you! BTW, I am stealing this line, "Let your fear feed your faith." Excellent!

From The Heart Online said...

Amy - you're so right. We end up questioning what we 'KNOW to be true' Wow. Clinging to God is sometimes all I have - I often come to a place of wondering what IS true besides God. Self doubt. Alot of it. Thank God for His power, Holy Spirit, and truth. We'd be sunk without it!

Alisa - I know, eh? What a great phrase. ... I can say that - it's not mine. ;P Steal away!

A.J. said...

That was just so powerful.

thank you so much.

and those where really good verses.

From The Heart Online said...

Thanks, AJ. I pray you are continually strengthened in your walk with Christ!