Let Go



I asked for a heart that is giving and humble… “Let go” seems just the antidote God would prescribe. He’s funny that way…

It soon became clear how much I don’t want to give, and how humble I am not. This month has been filled with opportunity for humility and giving. (sounds pretty, doesn’t it?)

  • a debtor could not repay us on time. That payment was needed to make my payments. My pride and finances were at stake
  • God revealed my sin to me – confession and repentance followed. My pride didn’t like that. Still doesn’t.
  • Sharing my time with another meant I had to give up something I was really looking forward to. A lot.

A couple more things came to my attention today.

Each afternoon for the last couple of years, I have enjoyed an hour or two of quiet alone time. (I know, super duper lucky.) The children nap or watch a movie, and I disappear into the dimension of online. If I miss my quiet time … boy do I become a bear! Nothing should have that kind of hold on me!  I didn’t realize what a hold that routine has on me.

… let go.

Then there’s personal space…
One situation I found myself in was especially … ‘touchy’. So many people grouped together resulted in elbows, yelling, pushing, arms, feet – always touching. Always close. My ‘personal space’ alarm sounded for hours. Alarm! Alarm! Step away from the Kim!  Step away!

I remember one particular ‘close talker’ who would lean in closer than I’ve ever seen anyone do, which caused me to walk backward across a room – ‘close talker’ followed in close pursuit. My neck craned backward like some demented giraffe. I backed up and backed up until I finally found a chair to hide behind during our conversation.

Months later, after love had grown in my heart for this person, I noticed that I didn’t recoil when ‘close talker’ came nose-to-nose with me. I was excited to note a complete lack of disgust. I was actually amused and enjoyed her conversation. Wish I could say that’s the new me… but most of the time I just don’t want anyone so close to me.

My ‘need’ for personal space really shouldn’t have such a hold on me.

…let go.

“If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.”
Luke 17:33

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21

Really?!

Lord, I know your ways are higher than my ways. You see the big picture. I’m self-centered and can only see me. I believe your words – that my life will be saved if I let go. You continue to save me from my sin, and I thank you.

This is confusing and hard and feels impossible. I’m overwhelmed by it all – all the demands to die to self. I would rather hide than work on this. I would rather turn the page than see my sin. Help me Lord not to ignore your prompting. Help me to let go of myself.

Less of me, more of you Jesus. Make me more like you.

5 comments:

chosenwoman said...

One of the hardest things for us to do is let go and let God and though we say it so many times we struggle in that area. I really do believe it's a trust issue that we have, we think that God is going to disappoint like we have been in our past. And yet we read in His word that He will never forsake us, for His word is true. Once we begin to trust God then letting things go and let God deal with it we will be better off for He can do things so much better then we can

MTJ said...

Hi Kim,

Thank you for sharing your life and faith; choosing to be open before the Lord and others. Your fellowship and friendship are appreciated.

You've challenged me to live my life not just to testify about the goodness of the Lord, but to allow Him to expose my failures as well. I believe this is the Lord's hand teaching me to depend upon Him rather than rely upon myself.

May we all discover His strength in these simple words: Let Go.

Blessings and peace to you and family in the coming new year.

MTJ

From The Heart Online said...

@ Chosenwoman - you're right. It boils down to faith. 'What about my rights?' 'What about me?' - I hear these thoughts and the lack of faith they reveal. Do I trust my Heavenly Father will take care of me? Lead me in the right direction even if it feels yucky?

From The Heart Online said...

MTJ - I deeply appreciate your comment. Even though I've consciously worked through how much I should share and why I share at all, ('Should I Write' series) I still question it, especially lately. (God's refining process brings out the junk in me, then I prefer to hide...)

I want to share what God's bringing me through to encourage and build up others, but desperately want to keep my motives in check. I don't want to be a Pharisee, shouting from the rooftops about how awesome I am. I really really don't.

Your sincere words of encouragement touch my heart. I take them as an answer to prayer, and I thank God for causing our paths to cross.

Warren Baldwin said...

Let go ... great message for many of the things we carry in our lives. Trust him. Good post.