But I Digress - A Few Clothes May Be In Order.

Funny. As soon as I post about walking around ‘soul naked’, I realize a host of things I don’t know how to talk about.  

My tongue is tied.

Limbo does that.

What is to say about someone close to me being diagnosed with cancer?

Or the knot in my stomach about someone else’s finances potentially
 leaving them homeless, and the little I can do to help.

And what of the mentorship that God began and then ended? 
There’s mourning, gratitude, and great joy – but somehow it seems un-sharable.

Then there’s my church’s struggle to find a leader – tumultuous times… unspeakable somehow.

My writing I can share, but there’s so little of it these days, there isn’t anything to talk about.

… Do you ever feel like an alien? … Like you’re a guest on a strange planet? … Like a simpleton who doesn’t understand basic rules, culture, subtleties, and all the unwritten ‘common sense’ that, if it has any common reason behind it, seems inexplicable by most inhabitants?  

Anyway, it is in these wordless times I’m driven to silent praise. Discouraged and aching, the song lyrics I’ve sung a hundred times come alive. “Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering Blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Thank you Lord, for restoring relationships before the cancer hit.  Thank you that when I don’t know what to say or how to pray, that your Holy Spirit intercedes with groans I don’t even understand. Thank you that through all of this, your plan is good and perfect and I can trust you.

Thank you for working all things – even all these things – together for the good of those who love you. Thank you for using all the limbo and yucky aching to call us to yourself. You are good. You are good. You are faithful and can be trusted. Thank you for taking care of all of this so I don’t have to carry it on my shoulders. Thank you for understanding my silence.

Thank you especially for speaking Philippians 4:6,7 to my heart in the middle of all of this.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.


kevin said...

This is powerful Kim, I once read that every tear we cry is bottled and recorded in heaven, how beautiful is that, hey? silence can also be a gift, praying for you,

From The Heart Online said...

Thanks for reading Kevin :)

From The Heart Online said...

Oh - I also wanted to say that that is a beautiful image - seems worthwhile when God sees it ... comforting :)