The word love is thrown around flippantly yet it’s the most powerful force that exists. But not just any kind of love – unconditional love.
It can change your life if you’ll believe it like Christy did.
Christy was miserable in her marriage and wanted relief from the pain.
The following is an interview with Christy and how she prayed the strangest prayer, got an unexpected answer and changed the course of her life....
Q: Christy, you did something to change the course of your marriage. What was it?
I made a decision. I made the decision to listen to what God told me to do.
It was the worst day and the best day of my life.
It was my birthday and I was on my knees praying after the landlord came to our door asking for the rent. My husband had told me he’d paid it and apparently that wasn’t true. Another lie.
I was praying and asking God, "Help me to stop loving my husband."
We had been best friends before we ever became more and I loved him and it hurt. I wanted to leave my husband so badly for so many reasons.
I hurt so deeply. But I still loved him.
So on my knees I prayed, sobbing and pleading please make me able to stop loving him.
But instead of doing what I asked, God said No.
He told me You need to love him unconditionally.
That made me so mad. That made me hurt.
I couldn’t believe it.
How am I supposed to do that?
That’s what I need.
How am I supposed to give him what I need?
It was so painful.
Q: How were you able to do what God asked?
One thing was, that I’d gotten a revelation that unconditional love was something real so I knew it was something real to give to my husband.
Without this revelation I couldn’t have given him something I didn’t have.
Another thing was, I knew that the man I was now married to, was not the same man I married. He was different. Two specific incidents had changed him.
Because we were best friends I saw how he changed after he had an accident at work that crushed his feet. I saw how the death of his father threw him into depression. These things made him a man I no longer knew.
Q: What exactly did you do?
What I did was every single time we fought I shut off my brain to the negative. I simply robotically responded with ok I love you and walked away or out of the room. I refused to engage in the fight.
I also taught myself to respect my husband. That was hard.
I read a lot of books. One was Love and Respect.
Q: How were things before that time?
I was SO angry. SO full of resentment.
He was smoking dope. He was playing the lottery. He was laying on the sofa more than working. He was stealing money from me while I worked way too much to try to provide for my family because he was not doing it.
We were sleeping separately and I didn’t trust or respect him in any way and always believed the worst possible scenario.
I constantly called him a liar and threatened divorce.
He threatened to take away my kids blaming me for working too much believing the courts would side with him and not me.
We’d scream and fight constantly over everything.
I thought that because he lied to me that meant he didn’t love me.
I felt so empty and unloved. We separated many times.
But I kept wanting him back. I wanted my best friend back.
Which is why I prayed God help me to stop loving him.
I couldn’t stand the pain.
Q: Why was it hard for you to act on what God told you to do?
I was angry and I desperately wanted from my husband what God was telling me to give.
God asked me to do the opposite of what I asked.
I thought I’d done everything to save my marriage already but God asked for more.
It was so painful.
Q: Were you afraid? Of what?
Yes! I was afraid of hurting myself more.
I was afraid he wouldn’t reciprocate.
I was afraid he didn’t love me.
Q: How long did it take to make a difference?
About six months.
The first month was very hard and I wanted to give up. I had no feelings to go with my actions. It was just going through the motions doing what I believed.
But the second month was different.
I started to have fun and enjoy it because I had a knowing that it was working even though I saw nothing. I started adding a smile tothe ok I love you when I left the room because I knew.
That knowing was a gift. It’s what they call faith. The substance of things hoped for. I didn’t conjure it up. It just arrived as I did what I was directed to do.
I even started doing nicer things for my husband. It started changing me.
Q: How long ago was this?
About six years ago.
Q: Has this decision and action affected your children?
SO much!! Oh my gosh!!
They have learned unconditional love.
They watched the change. They witnessed the fighting.
They witnessed the change unfold. They watched the miracle occur.
They know what unconditional love is. They know it is real.
They stand up for others.
My daughter did an amazing thing recently. There was a profile on Instagram called Ugly people of Algonquin. Algonquin is the name of her school.
She confronted the people who set up the profile and told them to shut it down and that what they were doing was going to affect people for the rest of their lives.
The people of the Instagram profile didn’t listen.
She took it higher and had them shut down.
Love saved many.
Q: Has it impacted others too?
Yes! Wow! My employees, my niece, my sister and many others.
They come to me and ask how we have what we have.
They knew the before and the after.
Q: Would you say this was a life changing decision?
Oh my! For so many more people!
Because I was able to learn how to love my husband unconditionally I was able to love others the same way. It has affected all my relationships.
Others are seeing that unconditional love really does exist. It’s real.
I’m no longer angry. I have no bitterness or resentment for those who have failed me. I forgive.
My husband and I no longer go to bed angry.
Many told us that was something we shouldn’t do at the beginning but we thought that was dumb. But now? We love peace.
We openly communicate. We talk it out when we hurt each other. We value the peace and settle things.
We refuse to go back to where we were.
Q: Would you say LOVE changed your life?
Oh yeah! UNCONDITIONAL love.
To not only feel it—but be able to give it.
It is amazing.
My family is so happy now.
Knowing and believing in unconditional love not only saved Christy and Vince’s marriage but changed them individually.
Knowing that love for yourself is where it starts. You can’t give what you don’t have.
You deserve to know you are loved.
Now what?
Let us know in the comments how you can relate to Christy’s story.
Share this article so others can benefit from Christy’s story too.
Grab a free copy of Love’s Manifesto because you deserve to know how deeply you’re loved.
Danielle Bernock is a published author and writes to encourage others in their value and purpose.
Her first book Emerging With Wings: A True Story of Lies, Pain, And The LOVE that Heals has changed many lives.Get her Free eBook Love’s Manifesto here.
** This piece was originally posted on my work site, then moved here. Here are the comments posted on the original site **
Great interview. I totally related to Christy feeling like what God asked her to give is what she needed most: unconditional love. When we're needing emotional support so badly, it feels like we don't have anything to give. It takes incredible faith and generosity to try anyway. I love how Christy helps us by revealing at first she just went through the motions. But that led to transformation. They say the first step is the hardest. But so worth it!
Thank you, Amy. You're so right. It was hard - it took faith and generosity. But look at the payoff. Like you said, so worth it!
I retold this story on Spoon of Consciousness, a podcast on which I was a guest the other day. I mentioned you by name :) This podcast will air in October.
Wow! Thank you Amy!! Please let me know when it gets closer!!!
Danielle, thanks so much for sharing this story!
It's hugely encouraging how the power of God's love can impact others even as it impacts us.
PS -- for anyone who hasn't yet, I definitely recommend downloading Danielle's Love's Manifesto!! It's such an infusion of hope and encouragement :)
It's hugely encouraging how the power of God's love can impact others even as it impacts us.
PS -- for anyone who hasn't yet, I definitely recommend downloading Danielle's Love's Manifesto!! It's such an infusion of hope and encouragement :)
You are very welcome Kim. I'm thankful for the place to share my friends story.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Danielle, what a fantastic interview. It is a fine compliment to the work you're doing. Yes, love does heal. Christy's story proves it.
Great work!
Great work!
Thank you Frank!! You're interviewing of many inspired me! Thanks!
Loved your interview, Danielle. I appreciated Christy's willingness to share how God moved her heart when she wanted something different. I love how faithful God is and that he cares more about what he's doing IN us than he does with what's happening in our lives. He uses all of it.
I could really resonate with what Christy shared. There was a time that my husband and I were not as close. I remember clearly asking him one day, "Mike, do you consider me your friend?" To which he replied, "Yes." And I responded, "I don't consider you my friend." God had to do a work in my heart and he did, big time. I'll never forget the day my son told me, "Mom, you have taught me more than anyone else, what true commitment looks like." And why did he say that. Because I remember a day when I asked God, "What do you want me to do." And I was hoping he would let me out of my promise. Instead God reminded me, "YOU said you wanted to be committed. And God also reminded me that when I married Mike, I made God a promise as well.
I could really resonate with what Christy shared. There was a time that my husband and I were not as close. I remember clearly asking him one day, "Mike, do you consider me your friend?" To which he replied, "Yes." And I responded, "I don't consider you my friend." God had to do a work in my heart and he did, big time. I'll never forget the day my son told me, "Mom, you have taught me more than anyone else, what true commitment looks like." And why did he say that. Because I remember a day when I asked God, "What do you want me to do." And I was hoping he would let me out of my promise. Instead God reminded me, "YOU said you wanted to be committed. And God also reminded me that when I married Mike, I made God a promise as well.
Thank you Anne! He indeed works all things together for good when we hand it to him to do so.
Thanks for sharing your story! It will help others also.
Thanks for sharing your story! It will help others also.
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