Change of Heart?

I can't point to a day on the calendar, or check off a character trait as evidence of change, but something's happening.

I've prayed for probably a year (here and there) for God to open my eyes - to help me see people the way He sees them. To give me a heart for others - to love them with His love.  Usually what happens is I begin to see how selfish I am. Hmm. Not quite what I expected. But, in the last few weeks I'm noticing others more - the pain and sadness in their eyes. They smile, but their eyes betray them. Are they lonely? Sad? Hurt? I don't know, but there is pain. After our pleasant conversation I leave praying for them. This seems to be happening alot recently. I thank God, yet wonder what it means. .. maybe I'm just too analytical and should shut up and enjoy it...

Anyway ... I've also been feeling, in recent months, like I don't know how to pray - maybe I forget how, maybe my idea of prayer is changing ... maybe prayer changes as my relationship with God grows. I  mean, I don't talk to acquaintances the same way I talk to close friends...

Either way, it's become less ... formal I guess? Prayer, for me, used to be more 'sit down for an hour all alone' kind of thing - to talk, to listen, whatever. I  miss that and need more of that I think. Most of the time though, it's 'praying continually' which is a quick prayer - for someone else, my own request, or to know His will. No introductions, no 'I'd better confess all before I'm in a position to even address the Almighty' - just coming to his throne.  ... I think it's good, but I think I need to continue the 'being still' kind of prayer as well.  ... does 'being still' count if I'm reading His word or a book about him?

I remember last year I was feeling a little like I didn't know how to pray - and you know what God gave me to do? You'll never guess.  He gave me the task of organizing a prayer meeting. By the way - I had never been to one before. Oh boy. Scared much?

We're here again. Guess what. He laid it on my heart again to plan a prayer meeting. But this time... with some powerful Holy Spirit stuff that scares the socks off of me. Oh my.

God is funny.  ... He's also perfect and powerful and is leading me somewhere on purpose. I can't wait to see what He's growing here in my heart.

I know one thing - years from now, I'll look back and laugh. "If you had told me five years ago I'd be doing this, I would have laughed at you and called you crazy!"  

I already say that.

God is good. All the time.

9 comments:

MTJ said...

Hi Kim,

Thanks for sharing where and how the Lord has been leading you. I find myself longing for those quiet times alone with God, particularly when things get hectic and off kilter for me. Right now things seem a bit rushed because I'm working on timelines. I'm not being anxious but I miss not having more time to just sit and listen.

Blessings and peace.

MTJ

Deborah Ann said...

I've been doing the quiet time with God prayer for quite a few years now. My life has changed tremendously! And I'm baffled that God rewards those who seek Him. I mean, He's the reward! But yet I find little happy clouds (unexpected blessings) arriving continuously.

I've been praying to love people with His love too, and I noticed, like you, that I'm starting to see some inward things that I don't like. But I guess that helps us to be more loving and forgiving of others, because we need their love and forgiveness too. It's all good!

V said...

For me, yes, being still can be being with him. I do that during meditation and during bible study or when i read.
To me, prayer shouldnt be formal. It must be unique and you. You can talk 2 God as if he is your best buddy. He understands you and the "slang" you can use. I just think prayer should be individualistic. Whatever you feel is comfortable will be most beneficial when talking 2 the Big Man

Sharon Kirby said...

Kim,
God does work in mysterious ways. I'm kinda with you on the prayer struggle. I find myself doing the quick prayer - which is good, I think, because I feel like I'm having a continual conversation with God. But I've never mastered the concentrated, sit quietly for awhile prayer time. I want to. Now I don't mean "mastered" in the sense that it's something to ACHIEVE - I just want to know the experience of dedicating uninterrupted time to the Lord - and waiting to hear what HE wants to say to ME. So...I will pray for what God is doing in your life...I'd appreciate your prayers for me, too!!

God IS leading...and He is good...all the time!

BLESSINGS TO YOU!

From The Heart Online said...

MTJ - Me too :) I'm not worried that I'm not getting it right, but sometimes miss those awesome still times.

Deborah Ann - Good insight! Seeing the 'yuck' in me sure helps me find compassion for others! totally true ;)God can use even that. Awesome.

V - Thanks :) As I know God more, I speak more freely with Him. Praise God that we can come to him as we are ;)

Sharon Kirby - Thank you for your prayer. I've prayed for you too. How wonderful that we can do that for each other!

Lena said...

I can totally relate! I think the prayer thing comes with motherhood- being a mom usually doesn't lend itself to long and uninterrupted prayer times. But if anyone understands it's God.
thanks for sharing- I love it :)

From The Heart Online said...

Thanks, Lena - I'm taking your advice ;) You're totally right - motherhood doesn't leave a whole lot of uninterrupted time for much :)

Warren Baldwin said...

God can do alot with a heart that is open to his working. Good post.

From The Heart Online said...

Hi Warren! Welcome - thanks for reading :) you're so right. May my heart continue to be open to his working.