I can't point to a day on the calendar, or check off a character trait as evidence of change, but something's happening.
I've prayed for probably a year (here and there) for God to open my eyes - to help me see people the way He sees them. To give me a heart for others - to love them with His love. Usually what happens is I begin to see how selfish I am. Hmm. Not quite what I expected. But, in the last few weeks I'm noticing others more - the pain and sadness in their eyes. They smile, but their eyes betray them. Are they lonely? Sad? Hurt? I don't know, but there is pain. After our pleasant conversation I leave praying for them. This seems to be happening alot recently. I thank God, yet wonder what it means. .. maybe I'm just too analytical and should shut up and enjoy it...
Anyway ... I've also been feeling, in recent months, like I don't know how to pray - maybe I forget how, maybe my idea of prayer is changing ... maybe prayer changes as my relationship with God grows. I mean, I don't talk to acquaintances the same way I talk to close friends...
Either way, it's become less ... formal I guess? Prayer, for me, used to be more 'sit down for an hour all alone' kind of thing - to talk, to listen, whatever. I miss that and need more of that I think. Most of the time though, it's 'praying continually' which is a quick prayer - for someone else, my own request, or to know His will. No introductions, no 'I'd better confess all before I'm in a position to even address the Almighty' - just coming to his throne. ... I think it's good, but I think I need to continue the 'being still' kind of prayer as well. ... does 'being still' count if I'm reading His word or a book about him?
I remember last year I was feeling a little like I didn't know how to pray - and you know what God gave me to do? You'll never guess. He gave me the task of organizing a prayer meeting. By the way - I had never been to one before. Oh boy. Scared much?
We're here again. Guess what. He laid it on my heart again to plan a prayer meeting. But this time... with some powerful Holy Spirit stuff that scares the socks off of me. Oh my.
God is funny. ... He's also perfect and powerful and is leading me somewhere on purpose. I can't wait to see what He's growing here in my heart.
I know one thing - years from now, I'll look back and laugh. "If you had told me five years ago I'd be doing this, I would have laughed at you and called you crazy!"
I already say that.
God is good. All the time.