Cause for Pause On This Country Road

Country stones clink under us as the car tears down gravel road. Serene pastures disappear behind the trail of billowing dust. Windows roll up, conserving air, until we’re past. Paused at an intersection, we’re caught all in grey cloud, blind. Stopped, we wait for dust to pass...

Many days and interactions were Spirit-filled and powerful. Often I sensed and witnessed God’s obvious and immediate presence and action. Like here or here or here. A fast-paced growth time for sure. Basically, last year was awesome!

…was.

Then, faith testing began. Stuff happened and questions demanded answers. There, at the intersection of doubt, I was stopped at the choice we each must make, maybe even many times. Do I really believe and trust beyond what I can understand, explain or see? The moment I decided ‘yes’, it was as though the dust began to settle and I could proceed. On the move though, I seemed slow and without words.

Petrifying for a writer… especially one who will speak on stage for the very first time and is still waiting for God to give her something to actually say and who, while she waits, continues to plan as though she knows what’s going to happen (when she really doesn’t - shh!), and for whom it is especially scary if she doesn’t know what compelling thing she may or may not say that evening while speaking for the very first time in front of (hopefully)  many people…  she’s a little concerned and exerting much effort to remedy this wordlessness!!

*Ahem*

Back to wondering where all that cool Holy Spirit stuff went. Now, just as I was beginning to wonder if I’d gone spiritually deaf - or worse, asleep - a message may be getting through… That gentle voice of the Father, that rolling wave of repetition seems to say

         ‘rest’…

                  ‘be still’…

                               ‘trust’...  

“Is that allowed?” I briefly calculate how much time waiting could cost, and the chances of ‘rest’ morphing into laziness, and realize I don't even know how to rest or what is even meant by 'rest'. Maybe it would be best to steer clear...

     ‘rest’…

            ‘be still’….

                        ‘trust’…

“But will you really give me the words in time? Don’t I need to work hard now to figure them out? What if I’m wordless that day?! I’ll be a fool!”

“Am I making this up? Am I hearing you right? What good will resting do? I'm so fidgety!!!”

(Gee. This reminds me of children resisting naps… What do moms say again? Something about 'it’s good for you and it’ll give you energy for later?' Hmm… )

Maybe last year was a race down a country road. Maybe this year is the intersection and I need to wait for the dust of yesterday to catch up…

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