Ding Ding... A Quick Note Between Rounds


Sometimes I don't know whether to fight, scream, or go blind. 


Sometimes God allows instant results and provides clear direction, other times He just doesn't. 


Ding Ding... Let the wrestling begin. 


             With God...
                            me... 
                                 the enemy... 


It's not new. We all wrestle. So what. 


But even in the scrapping - when I'm on the ropes almost losing my mind, God is the same good, loving Father He always was. 


I just don't understand Him sometimes. 
Or me. 
or life.


It's the kind of wrestling I can't put into words.  Yet. 


But, I thought I'd send you a note and let you know I am, in fact, alive.   


More than that, I'm thankful.  ... in a frustrated kind of way... 


I know this time of questions and searching and wrestling will yield growth. 
Faith.
Closeness with God. 


It just kind of sucks right now.  It's the kind of time that leaves me crying suddenly for no reason, (and in public! Hooray, my favorite...) the kind that leaves me enraged for no identifiable cause...
the kind that seems to reveal my every flaw and fault and shortcoming. 


I can not in fact, rely on myself at all for spiritual anything. 
God has to be the keeper of my salvation and very soul, 
and He is my only hope. 


While that concept sometimes comforts me, it also makes me crazy. (You mean I have to release my control-clinch?!) 


So. A verse to encourage me, and maybe you too.


I trust in you for salvation, O Lord! 
Genesis 49:18

But when I am afraid, 
I will put my trust in you.
Psalm 56:3

... for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure
that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him
until the day of his return.
2 Timothy 1:12



6 comments:

The Unknowngnome said...

Ding-ding! I hear ya'.

Maybe it's the not the bell to start the round you hear but the bell to end it and to sit and "be still".

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

"Because of those hurts," you will see beyond your "own experience, perception, culture, opinion and understanding."

Trust is unclinching and unflinching.

I'm glad I don't have to wrestle you! :)

From The Heart Online said...

Ha. I'm glad you can identify :)
You may have it - be still.
Not squirmy
And wrestly
fidgeting
trust.

Riiiight.
*slap forehead*
TRUST.
I'll get this yet...
Not just to trust
but to REST in that trust.

Rest.
peace.
exhale.
smile.

The Unknowngnome said...

:)) hahaha

Happy New Year to you and yours Kim.

Anonymous said...

May the Lord keep blessing everyday

From The Heart Online said...

Thanks, Anonymous :) And you too! (Great to see you yesterday!)

journeytoepiphany said...

Thanks...I needed that. It's good when you find you are not alone.