How can there be so much?
... and how long has it been there by the way?!
Mmm. Discovering dirt.
Speaking of which... (yes, that was my super smooth segway...)for the last two years, my continual prayer has been to have a heart of love.
'Teach me to love, God!
Fill me with love!
Help me understand your love!'
And God continues to mature this heart to one that empties of self. He’s opening my eyes to needs around me and to who He is.
Recently, God has opened doors of opportunity to exercise love. Real, selfless, faith-in-action love. … sounds pretty doesn’t it? Loving others – especially porcupines - is gruelling work; dying to self a painful adoration.
I’m quickly realizing that, as much as I’ve grown, I still love selfishly. I’ve gotta say, after all this work and revelation, it’s a little maddening to realize that I’m still all fleshy on the inside. I know; shocking, right?
But, here I am, all crushed and shocked that I’m still sinful and selfish. Disappointment weighs. Fear threatens. Oh no! I’m filling God’s cup of wrath against me! Please Lord, don’t take me before this is made right! Please – let me be acceptable in your sight! Don’t leave me! Please - have mercy!!
(It might look like a scary thought process, but check out Psalm 51; Living Water to my soul tonight…)
And the ‘epiphany about epiphanies’ is this: I may be shocked and appalled by my sin but God saw it the whole time. He knows I’m all fleshy on the inside and still chooses to answer prayer, speak to my heart, use and bless me everyday. Me. The selfish, dirty, gross-on-the-inside human.
He’s the One doing the revealing. I’m the one getting my eyes opened.
My favorite part, is that He is not rejecting or condemning… This is the opening of eyes – the freeing from blindness. Praise the Lord! Disappointment and fear can not survive long when I know that God does love me.
And this we know. For the Bible tells us so.
“And have you forgotten the encouraging words
God spoke to you as his children? He said,
"My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t give up when he corrects you.
For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
“The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.” Psalms 51:17
“So now there is no condemnation
for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Thank you Lord, for the assurance of your love. Thank you that you will not reject a broken and repentant heart. Continue to break me to repentance Lord. Train me for holiness. And most of all, thank you for giving your Son in my place - a price I can not pay. You are good and your mercy last forever. Thank you Lord!