What Does God Think About Global Crises?

Confession: I don't claim to know all that God thinks.  
(and we should all be wary of those who do)

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD.

"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so my ways are higher than your ways

and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-10

But sometimes I sure wonder what on earth He thinks about the injustices and atrocities that surround  us. Evil seems to grow powerful and pervasive, and sometimes it makes me desperate and cry out,

God! What do YOU think about this!?

And what should I DO?!

Recently I have been learning about the various industries and their powerful influence over nations and the world as a whole. One evening, after watching a documentary (Blue Gold: World Water Wars) I became especially bothered by the injustice of powerful industry essentially exploiting and killing the poorest of the poor - the 'least of these', and profiting greatly from their oppression.

I could think of little else. I washed dishes and shook my head. I cleared the table, wondering what God is up to. I tucked in the children, wondering what my responsibility is in such a huge problem.

The next morning I opened the Word to continue reading in Psalms. "Lord, help me know what to do" I pleaded, and then began to read Psalm 37.

Know what the first words were that I read that morning?

"Don't worry about the wicked

or envy those who do wrong."

Lips parted in surprise. I was about to hear from Him on the subject. 

"Be still in the presence of the LORD

and wait patiently for Him to act.

Don't worry about evil people who prosper

or fret about their wicked schemes."

His Word is so alive and active, isn't it?  At this point, I found myself secretly saying something like, "Yeah but... yeah but... what do I DO?? Just sit here and trust you and do not act? Doesn't that make me a culprit too?"

And He repeats about twelve times in different ways, "Trust me".
The stanzas echo in deafening volume the promise given to God's people in Deuteronomy 32:34

"I will take revenge; I will pay them back.

In due time their feet will slip.

their day of disaster will arrive,

and their destiny will overtake them.'

(Side note: You may point out that this passage speaks of the punishment that befalls God's own people when they turn away from Him. But God also addresses His justice on His enemies at the end of the song:)

"For He will avenge the blood of His servants;

He will take revenge against His enemies.

He will repay those who hate him

and cleanse the land for His people." 

What God thinks of those who oppress the poor and steal and murder and profit from their misdeeds is clear. He will not tolerate it forever.

In the meantime, He uses these injustices (and I do not presume this to be the only reason!) to purify His bride. It's funny - Christians are widely trained to believe that Jesus came to bring peace and comfort and heaven on earth. And we work feverishly to insulate ourselves from trouble, and complain when hardship dares to afflict us. US! The children of a Holy God! Gasp!
Yet Jesus never EVER said we will live in utopia until He comes. Quite the opposite. 

"Do you think I have come to bring peace to earth? 

No, I have come to divide people against each other!" 

Luke 12:51

(How does that sit with your picture of Jesus by the way?) 
Why does He say this? Brother Lawrence understood well that one must trust God in all things. He knew "God could remedy any mischief, although sometimes He permitted evil for reasons very true and useful in the order of His Providence." (p.18, The Practice of the Presence of God)

And I see the benefit of suffering in my own life too. Repeatedly. 
Even now, as I am torn over evil done to others near and far, the Lord challenges me to trust Him: rely on Him and wait patiently for Him to act. This is difficult. It feels lazy and even wrong to just sit and pray.

But this is the working out of salvation; trusting Him beyond understanding. Belief.

"Jesus told them, "This is the only work God wants from you: 

Believe in the One He has sent."

John 6:29

Whatever your struggle, I encourage you as the Lord encouraged me: trust Him and wait patiently for Him to act. He is good and able and He. Will. Do it.

At The End of a Season, ‘Look Up’

Having happened in April and posted in July, this moment is perfectly in season for me. This week I'm reminded to choose hope; to believe; to live expectantly.

Beneath wind-shivered maples, I wander slump-shouldered across brown grass. All that remains of the day, the week, is the occasional mumbling of half-sentences. Stopping near the ditch, downcast eyes glimpse the oasis. Edged by a thin line of green, dark water reflects grey clouds. I gaze into the liquid mirror while recounting the day; the week …the year.

Illness and divorce in the family, financial strain and church family upheaval…  And, finally, our children are once again growing into another stage. It’s time to step up my parenting, though I have no clue how. I pull the sweater tight as April air chills. The snow disappeared weeks ago, leaving behind flat brown blades, vacant branches. All seems… grey. I’m old and spent and don’t know how parent my kids anymore. Maybe I’ve used up all my abilities. Perhaps my brain has finally disintegrated in the abyss of no-no’s and diapers and naps. Eyes fixed on the murky mirror, a sigh escapes. “God, help me! I don’t even know what to pray right now!”

And there, beneath bare limbs, it comes; the voiceless words. “Look up”

I raise my eyes, perhaps for the first time today, and there at eye level a bright green bulb peeks from its branch, promising to emerge soon. A smile broadens. I am not abandoned, to be forever surrounded by stark branches and the monochrome of in-between. Spring always follows winter.

I leave the oasis refreshed. By still water, the words of my Father have restored my soul. The end of a season is here, but a new one is birthing – one of vibrant colors, brimming with new life. 

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Mulling…

Something about it sticks like honey – dripping mystery-sweet.

“The rich man had to admire the dishonest rascal for being so shrewd. And it is true that the children of this world are more shrewd in dealing with the world around them than are the children of the light. Here’s the lesson: Use your worldly resources to benefit others and make friends. Then, when your earthly possessions are gone, they will welcome you to an eternal home.” (Luke 16:8-10 – parable of the shrewd manager)

At first, I’m bothered by the apparent instruction to gain friends for my own comfort. ‘Is Jesus telling me to give for selfish reasons? What else could it mean? Lord, open my eyes!’

…Maybe the point is not that these friends are there to welcome me, but simply that they are there; that their presence in that eternal home is impacted by my use of worldly resources.

The honey mystery drips … possibility … opportunity …  Maybe this passage is an answer to the pleas I’ve sung. “For our inheritance give us the lost”. [1] How many times have I asked to be used to bring people to Christ? … and asked what I can do?

Sweet honey answers thrill my mouth to a grin as I recall how I was won. How anyone is... He loved us so much… that he gave. [2] 

I feel like the person who found treasure, buried it in a field, and sold everything he had to buy that field. 
… could it be? Could everything I have be a resource to love people into heaven?

The sweet flows thick…

How can I invest my time ‘to benefit others’? Abilities? Possessions?

Scripture flashes through my mind faster than I can pause to think about

‘store up treasure in heaven’

‘you are the crown I receive for my work’

‘make use of every opportunity…’

‘… hold back those staggering toward destruction…’

‘sell everything, give to the poor, then you will have treasure in heaven…’

‘pure and genuine religion… is caring for orphans and widows in distress…’

‘love others as I loved you…’

How did He love?

What do I have that is mine to keep?

Can I really exchange any temporary things for eternal treasures?

How fitting that the next thing Jesus warns against is the love of money; serving two masters.
How frightening that the story after that is one of a man who refused to share what he had with the poor beggar at his door and ended up in eternal torment...

What does it say about the state of my heart if I decide not to share my resources?

A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, 

and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. 

Matthew 12:35

As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person. 

Proverbs 27:19

“This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.” 

John 15: 12-14

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[1] “Show Your Power” by Kevin Prosch

[2] John 3:16

Prayers Answered ... With Suffering

I close the magazine, unable to read another word about lynchings and tortures meted out to believers across the world. I sip steamy coffee, wondering how long Christian prisoners have been without food and drink. I watch Maple leaves flutter in sunlight. Have those prisoners seen daylight this week? I sip sweet coffee and shed no tears. I imagine Jesus spitting out lukewarm water...   "Lord, forgive me for my indifference. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Stamp eternity in both my eyes...Give me a heart for others." 

For a year or two I've made these pleas. I'm beginning to recognize God's response...

Awareness of Suffering

The more I cry out to have a heart for others, the more darkness I see. Abroad, the faithful are gruesomely tortured and routinely abused or neglected. Here at home, all kinds of sin, illness and spiritual defeat keep many (including me) self-focused, distracted from God's purpose, and defeated.

Our enemy is stronger than all of us. This place wreaks of death, and evil seems to pervade every thing and place. It looks hopeless.

This growing awareness of the evil of this world alerts me to the desperate, immediate need for God. I am increasingly thankful for salvation, the more darkness I see. I am also intensely motivated to share this knowledge - this freedom - with 'whoever has ears'.

The work of God is that this heart is breaking. I am increasingly disturbed by the number of people dying without Christ. This travesty, at times, chokes me with grief.

It seems that joy and sorrow are inseparable somehow - how could we know one without the other? And, it seems, the more sorrow I experience, the deeper joy I may also have. In the poetic words of Khalil Gibran,

"The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?" 

(see whole piece here) 


I am thankful for and celebrate this grief as evidence of a changing heart - one moving from indifference to passion. God is carving out apathy to make room for His amazing love!

(I just realized this moment, that the joy I can contain as a result is also an answer to my plea to walk in joy...)

The Experience of Suffering


Compared to many, I have not suffered. I don't dismiss the rejection, isolation and slavery to fear that I did experience, but it has not been a life of hardship either. Comforts have always been at my fingertips, and I've never lost a close loved one to death. Life - and faith - have been more-or-less comfortable - until this last year.

Contemplation of some big faith questions began last summer. These bothersome issues bubbled vaguely beyond the reach of conscious thought. ... perhaps because they seemed unanswerable. Then, in fall, things started to fall apart. Each situation swirled in its own stew of frustrations and heartbreak. In this chaos, those ugly questions suddenly demanded answers. (Read about that wrestling here.)

But here's the awesome work God is doing:

- My faith is being / has been tested. I sense a strength rising now as I find my footing in Truth. I'm getting well acquainted with the foundations of my faith - it is built on solid rock. Numerous verses come to mind that make more sense in this storm.  'a house built on solid bedrock....' (Matthew 7:25), 'The Lord is a shelter in times of trouble' (Psalm 9:9) 'when trouble comes your way, consider it... joy' (James 1:2)

- I'm free to love those who wrestle and fall away; for those who ask these difficult questions and conclude that belief in God is foolishness. I've tended to avoid those who don't believe, because I didn't understand how they could choose that. I was also fearful of falling into that same sin. (Gal 6:1)
  Now, standing at the edge of that same choice - wrestling with those same questions - I empathize. I am not afraid. My faith has been shaken and stands because it is built on a solid foundation that no man can shake.   Instead of running away, I'm drawn to them. I'm free to love them because I know I am loved and safe.

- I have more compassion for those who suffer. Without experiencing pain, we tend to judge those who hurt. The poor judge the rich, and the rich look down on the poor. Unless we walk in some different shoes for awhile, we can't empathize. Suddenly I have more of an ear for people who walk the road of cancer, who are discouraged or wrestling with their faith.

-God is glorified - even by my tested faith! As I struggle and work this out, people read, hear and see it happen. They see God's hand in it. Even yesterday I participated in a conversation I could have never had before. Instead of being enraged and indignant that an Atheist would call my God deplorable names, I felt for him. I was free to have a dialogue which was not heated or defensive (though it could easily go there), and I know God used that - for the Atheist and the many who heard the conversation. God will accomplish His will with everything that happens. (Isaiah 55:11) Even - and perhaps especially - our suffering. That is unspeakable joyful!

Today I count this pain as joy. Not because it's fun, but because I'm being shaped in the image of my Heavenly Father. I'm being trained in perhaps the most effective way.

The Next Step of Faith

Last year, I wrestled with some big questions about God – things that seem contradictory in the Bible, or are just impossible to understand. I shared this struggle with a friend whose response was, “Welcome to the next step in your faith walk”. I was excited by apparent spiritual growth, but still didn’t know … anything.

Recently, I found myself still struggling with these same questions … maybe a few new ones. Here are some examples of what I mean:

• The Bible says ‘nothing can separate us from God’s love’ (Romans 8:38), but… the existence of hell IS the separation of us from God’s love so… what’s that about?
• The Bible says the ‘old way of the law led to death’ (2 Cor 3:7), and that we are ‘free from these laws’ (Gal 3:12), but James says to ‘look carefully into God’s perfect law that sets us free and do what it says.’ … so, which is it? What applies and what doesn't? Says who? Does it all apply? None? Yet, if I try to figure it out, I’m ‘wasting time’ (Titus 3:9)
• Can I have assurance of salvation? Can I lose salvation? How do I know? Afterall, many will cry ‘Lord, Lord!’ - even those who did great things in His name! - and he will say, “I do not know you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.” (Matt 7:21-23)

Exasperated, I lamented to a friend, “If this is the ‘next step’, would someone just shine a light on it already so I can move?! I'm grappling with the same old questions I had months ago!!”

“Maybe..” she offered gently, “this is the part of faith that believes without understanding…”

I must say, I didn’t like that answer. I want to know why things are the way they are.

Days later, as I was driving, I silently wrestled with these questions. I really wanted to understand. Then, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, ‘Do you need to understand to believe?’

To believe without understanding would require trusting God based on who He is, not on what I know. It would require humility and submission, not reasoning or logic.

Wait – you mean, I just have to accept it? But what does IT mean?!

How do I know if I’m doing it right?

How do I know if I’m in His will?

Hmm… this comes down to trust, doesn’t it?

Trusting that God will grant me wisdom and understanding as it’s needed.

Trusting that He will lead me in paths of righteousness, not paths of confusion and sin.

Trusting that He is the one who will protect my salvation, not me. He will keep and protect me. He is good and can be trusted.

Ooooh… uncharted territory…

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What Does It Look Like to Live Love?

What does it look like to live a life of love - to live so God's presence and glory are evident in my heart? 

It could take an eternity to discover the complete answer to that question, but here's some of what scripture says about it.

Care about the rights of the poor.    (Proverbs 29:7)

Take care of widows who don't have anyone else. (1 Timothy 5:3)

Give according to what you have (2 Corinthians 8:12)

Do to others what you would have them do to you 

Give to anyone who asks

Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you (Luke 6:27-35)

Help the poor (Proverbs 14:31)

Share each others burdens (Galatians 6:2)

Feed my sheep (John 21:17) 

... It's the last one that got me the most, because it was spoken to my heart this week. 

I've asked countless times, "Lord, what should I DO?!?" This time I hesitated to ask, afraid of His answer.  I thought I'd been sincere until now, but this time I earnestly wanted to do anything He asked.  Through tears and with trembling, I asked again.  

'Feed my sheep' 

I knew that neither my flesh nor the Enemy would give me such an instruction.

I also knew that God is intimately acquainted with all my weakness and faults and inability, so didn't argue. (for once)

"Who are your sheep Lord?"

'Believers scattered abroad' (James 1:1)

'How?' 

I felt as though the time for that answer was not now, but would come in His time. 

Then this morning I read John 21:17, 

"A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
   Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”
   Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.""

and Ezekial 34:1-10

"Then this message came to me from the Lord: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds, the leaders of Israel. Give them this message from the Sovereign Lord: What sorrow awaits you shepherds who feed yourselves instead of your flocks. Shouldn’t shepherds feed their sheep? ³ You drink the milk, wear the wool, and butcher the best animals, but you let your flocks starve. ⁴ You have not taken care of the weak. You have not tended the sick or bound up the injured. You have not gone looking for those who have wandered away and are lost. Instead, you have ruled them with harshness and cruelty. ⁵ So my sheep have been scattered without a shepherd, and they are easy prey for any wild animal. ⁶ They have wandered through all the mountains and all the hills, across the face of the earth, yet no one has gone to search for them. ⁷ “Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: ⁸ As surely as I live, says the Sovereign Lord, you abandoned my flock and left them to be attacked by every wild animal. And though you were my shepherds, you didn’t search for my sheep when they were lost. You took care of yourselves and left the sheep to starve. ⁹Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord. ¹⁰ This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I now consider these shepherds my enemies, and I will hold them responsible for what has happened to my flock. I will take away their right to feed the flock, and I will stop them from feeding themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths; the sheep will no longer be their prey."

I'm not sure what it all means, but I believe it's all connected. I believe it's also of great and eternal importance to obey God without hesitation. (I also believe that each of these instructions applies globally and locally; not one rather than the other, but both.)

Lord, thank you for speaking to my heart. Please make clear to me who, when and what to feed. ... and how. Please have patience with me. I don't want to become a fat sheep at the expense of the scrawny. Forgive me for my selfishness and greed. Help me to give and love others the way you would - the way you do. Teach me how to feed others and to deny myself for their sake. Give me a heart overflowing with your love. Thank you Jesus, that you love your sheep and search for them where they've scattered. 

Lord, I'm afraid - of the pain of separation from worldly desires. I'm not excited about it and resist it. But you say it is better to lose one part of my body than for the whole thing to be thrown into hell. Lord, I would rather suffer the pain of your training than the pain of your judgment, but I'm scared anyway. Your love is perfect, and I trust you. I will obey. 

Love In Action

"... let's not merely say that we love each other; 

let us show the truth by our actions."

1 John 3:18

As I teach my kids to be thankful for all God provides, it naturally comes up that others do not have the same things we do. Clean water ... food every day ... a warm bed to sleep in... not everyone has that, and we are thankful we do.

But it doesn't stop there. 

One day, as I explained that we can help others, one of my kids (who is particularly sensitive to spiritual matters) said, "I want to help now"  He pushed  me to discover how we can work to help NOW. 

I love that kid... 

So, our 'love in action' looks like this: 

1: We sell our baking to friends and family

2: With those funds, we buy groceries to give to the local food bank

My son inspects their creation

Ideally, we would then be able to help in that food bank. Looks so far like that won't be a possibility, but we can tour the facility - maybe even on a distribution day - so these young ones can get a better understanding of how they can make a difference and how we can help each other. 


... so if you are close friend or family reading this, you may get a visit with our order form in the next week or two ... (and if we miss you but you'd like to contribute, let me know!) 


I'm excited to share more with you as we bake like crazy, and live love.

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From Worry to Peace in 3 Simple Steps

Planning a huge fundraising event was scaring me – especially since I would be on stage … you know – talking and stuff. Eek. Then I found out that someone I care about was about to become homeless. And then came the cancer call.  It’s a lot to deal with. … to worry about… to be immobilized by.

In this storm, I thank God for giving me the verse He did:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace,

which exceeds anything we can understand.

His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6,7

As I follow the prescription of this verse, the truth of it is revealed. It really is a step-by-step guide from worry to peace:

1.              Decide To Talk To God About It.

a.     It’s so easy to get carried away in thoughts, imagining what horrors await me in the future. It’s also easy to pretend it all doesn’t exist. Either way, I’m not talking to God when I worry. Just to decide to talk to Him is a huge start.

2.              Tell Him What You Need.

a.     Even if our conversation looks mostly like me shaking my head and saying “I don’t know. I just don’t know”, we’re talking. Before I know it, I’m spilling my heart to Him – how I feel, what I fear and hope for… everything.

3.              Thank Him For All He Has Done

a.     Ah, the key: shift in focus. As I take my eyes off of trouble and fix them on Him, I’m reminded that He is faithful and good and will continue to be. As I thank Him (praise) I am lifted up out of fear and despair. I can see light. (yet another thing to be thankful for!)

Then, as promised, peace comes. On a particularly ‘heavy’ day, the peace may only last a half hour before worry takes hold again. I may need to repeat it again and again … but it works. My focus is taken off of public speaking and cancer, and placed where it belongs. Ah … peace. And it’s not just for me: walking in peace lifts me up, and remobilizes me to reach out to others. I’m not much help as a discouraged lump, whimpering on the couch. But in the strength of peace I can encourage and build up others – just like I love to do. Woo! Thank you Lord! 

Breathe - Repost

On a cold, blustery day like this one, I like to remember the better days of winter...  

We nestle in white powder snow beneath grey afternoon clouds. I watch her scoop snow into her plastic shovel and dump it into a Tonka truck. My eyes grow heavy as I watch him push a yellow metal loader through snow piles. My shoulders sag beneath invisible weight. My little ones play, unaware it is nap time. I lay on the snow, close my eyes. Loader wheels squeak. Swish-a-swash Swish-a-swash. Snow pants rub as she walks. Snow sprays on my forehead as boots approach and she shovels snow onto my legs. "I'm covering you, mommy!" She laughs. 

The fresh air is cool and moves. It wafts towards my cheeks, then away. It tenderly floats across my nose. A smile crosses my face. Only now do I realize that out here, beneath clouds, I can feel air. In my house, our manufactured temperature lacks the fresh movement only God can create. He didn't just give us oxygen - he made it move. It touches me. It caresses my face, entices my nose with endless scents and, a strong wind even wraps its arms around me.

My son lays silent beside me, inches from my face. I open my eyes and we gaze at each other, smiling. His blue eyes dance with joy. This moment, God is here smiling with us. We're rich and blessed to share this - to lay on soft snow and breathe.

Delightful Details

Cooped up indoors for months, we four raced outside one melty Sunday. The kids scramble for the hill slide shouting ‘Daddy, watch me!’ I headed straight to the half finished snow fort to add another layer to its walls. Daddy watched as his smiley darlings slipped down the hill. I listened to their giggles and conversation while busily pushing snow balls into boulders. After a while, the children wandered off. The only sound was the distant swishing of snowsuits and the soft crunch of my growing snow boulder. I looked up to notice my husband leaning against his truck, watching me with folded arms and a wide grin. I must have been a sight; a grown woman crawling around huffing and pushing, focused intently on building a snowball. I giggled.

“Wanna join me?”

“Not really.” He smiled.

“Want to lay together and watch the sky?”

“Where?”

We walked over to a soft snow bank, plunked ourselves in and reclined. Our little ones noticed and ran to join us. Cool air wafted against our cheeks as cotton clouds drifted across a crisp blue sky.

I love how marriage can mirror God’s love. The more I get to know God, the more I realize he loves me like that – he delights in me, even when I look silly. (or even because of it) He laughs, giggles and plays with me. He sits with me, enjoys things with me. God made joy!

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
Psalm 37:23

“For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Saviour.
   He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.
      He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”

Zephaniah 3:17

My husband standing with folded arms just enjoying whatever I looked like – that spoke of God’s love to me. I imagine that, when I’m doing life – parenting, pulling my hair out, hiding a bowl of chips, or even when I’m doing a secret happy dance – God is smiling at me. He loves my antics, and loves the way He made me.

God has been opening my eyes to His grace and love these last couple of years, and it changes me completely! I am new because of His mercy. God isn’t the distant dictator I once labelled him – He’s my loving father, tender husband, best friend and brother. I can pose any question, (Luke 11:10) request help with anything - even with how to talk to him! (Romans 8:26)

Because I’m getting that He loves me, I can trust God – and that impacts everything!  If I can really believe that God adores me, gets a kick out of me and wants the very best for me … I want to please Him and know Him more. This love and grace drives me to do his will – I’m desperate for it!

Thank you Lord, for initiating our relationship. Thank you for pursuing me and delighting in me. I am overwhelmed! I am moved. Your love is crazy and I don’t think I’ll ever understand it all – I almost crumble with the little understanding I have! Abundance is right! And there’s always more. Amazing. Thank you that you are good and I can trust you completely. Oh! What a relief! What peace and joy. I can hardly think of it without crying! Woo! I love you so much and can’t wait to love you more. Thank you for changing this heart every day, for moving me. Thank you for your tenderness. There aren’t enough words. I can’t wait to be with you forever.

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It Was Ears

She hunches over her paper cup of sugared coffee. “You know, you’ve been different this last year.” I smirk, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. A while back I asked someone, ‘What’s the deal? Did she get religion?’ They said you go to church...” Chin in hands, she stares out at the bustling parking lot. “…you know, if that’s what going to church is about, then I want to go to a whole lot of church.”

I wish I could describe the joy of this moment. Much aching, prayer and waiting preceded it. We never discussed faith and especially not Jesus. She’s well acquainted with the hypocrisy, pride and legalism that calls itself ‘Christian’. What could I say? Who would witness Jesus’ love to this woman? I desperately sought God for her – that He would reach her … somehow.

Recently I read a great line: ‘Our life is the only Bible some people will read.’

I doubt I would have counted this woman as someone I’m ‘witnessing’ to. We just have a relationship. It appears that everything I do is a witness. Whether I visit people in hospital, serve in Sunday school, or generously tip in a restaurant, I am witnessing.

It sure opens my eyes to the importance of Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, do it as to the Lord and not to men.” If I’m a grumpy customer and cheap tipper, that’s my Christian witness. If I call people idiots and talk about others all the time, that’s my Christian witness. But if I do everything ‘as to the Lord’, His light will shine through even the smallest action.

A friend asked, “What drew you to Christ?” What a powerful question! I know what it wasn’t – I was not drawn to Christ by someone telling me I was in sin and bound for hell. It was not a requirement to be better.

It was acceptance of me exactly the way I was.

It was eye contact with a genuine smile.

It was ears.

What about you? What drew you to Christ?

Celebrating Evidence

“I have great news! A well-known local musician has come on board for your book tour!” I can hear her smile over the phone. Stunned, I simply say, “Wow!” We both become silent as we consider how the musician’s reputation and career dwarf my own. It changes everything. She seems to be thinking the same thing. “I guess you need to decide what the purpose of the tour is,” she says carefully, “…is it to promote your book, or is it to raise as much as possible for Gospel for Asia?”

I knew the ‘right answer’, but still had to pause. I was suddenly aware that, even though I was planning this whole thing out of obedience, I also had self promotion in mind. (Reminds me of King Saul adding his own idea to God’s plan…) I was thinking about raising funds, but also about building readership. God has something better in mind and it requires my willingness to set my own plans aside.

And I’m celebrating! That moment was full of evidence – of God’s work in my heart, of growth! For one thing, I was willing to change – and quickly! It didn’t take days or weeks (like my stubborn heart often does). Woo! I’m thankful.

I’ve prayed that I would become obedient – that when God asks me to do something, I would jump and do it right away. And I did it! “It is God working in you giving you the desire to obey, and the power to do what pleases Him.” He’s changing this heart!!

I’ve prayed for humility. That I was able to quickly shift gears and drop my plans is evidence that God has worked some humility into my heart. Thank you Lord!

I’ve prayed for invisibility (because recognition and praise have gone to my head in the past). This moment of stepping back so God can have center stage is another answer to that sincere request.

Oh yes. I love evidence of His hand on my life. How can I gauge spiritual growth? Evidence. Yes! Fruit!! Love it. I don’t care if it’s just a flower promising fruit, I’m celebrating! I can’t wait for the harvest!!

Thank you Lord, that your word is true. You are the author and finisher of my faith. It is you who began a good work in me and will bring it to completion. You are the one who gives me the desire to obey and the power to do what pleases you. Thank you for training me and loving me and showering me with amazing, incomprehensible grace. I don’t understand, but I want more! Thank you for whatever you’re doing in my heart, my life, and with this tour. I can’t wait to see the fruit you produce through it. Please open my eyes to see it! I don’t want to miss it. I can’t wait! Woo!

Giving When It Hurts

“That’s it. I’m done!” I complained silently, pacing. I had lost count of how many times he’d gone back on a promise to pay me what he owed. “This is theft! Lies! And then try and manipulate me about it yet?! That’s it! I’m done!”

Before bringing down the hammer on his delinquent account, I thought I’d better check with God. I had dedicated this account to Him after all, and wanted to handle it His way. “God, you know what’s happened. He hasn’t paid – again! I’m so angry right now. What should I do?” 

Read the rest here at Amy Sullivan's site...

Thank you  Amy, for helping me share my story! 

A Habit of Criticism – And the Antidote

Confess! Stop bickering! Forgive! The message echoed through churches, bible studies, families, and God’s word itself. Each time I heard it, I lamented the petty bunch of people we are. “Why don’t people get it?” “Is it so hard to get along?”

Then, thank God, my own sins became clear. It is not about ‘those people’, it is about me. The sin of others is none of my business. What is my sin? 

The Holy Spirit brought to mind several instances where I had been unkind, abrasive, and judgmental. I hurt people. Unintentionally at times… other times that was simply the price of getting my way.  …Ouch.

As soon as I saw my sin, my prayers seemed blocked. I couldn’t seem to pray until I’d confessed that behavior as sin. Some confessions remained between me and God; others had to be done in person. Apologies were necessary for my behavior. I needed to ask forgiveness.

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” James 5:16

As soon as I confessed my sin and asked for forgiveness, it became impossible to judge. I was humbled - aching because I had grieved my God and his precious people. I hung my head and cried. I felt sheepish and joyful all at the same time. I craved mercy. I was healed from the bitterness I was unaware of for so long.

But this verse doesn’t stop at confession. There’s a call to continued action here. ‘Pray for each other’

I once read that criticism can become a habit. I saw evidence of that shortly after confessing. I was tempted to resume my pious position of judge. Oh, how easily my flesh is tempted!

The antidote though, may be found in the two prayers required in this verse: My own continued confession and continual ‘praying for each other’. Aha! Praying for someone requires keeping them in my thoughts. It requires sincere humility. It requires love.

God is so smart, isn’t he? Brilliant!

Thank you Jesus, for continuing to purify my heart. It’s a painful process, but I trust you to bring a harvest of right living as you train me in this way. The more I know you, the more I can walk like you. Thank you for your mercy on me and for reminding me of that each time I get to pass it on. 

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Let Go

I asked for a heart that is giving and humble… “Let go” seems just the antidote God would prescribe. He’s funny that way…

It soon became clear how much I don’t want to give, and how humble I am not. This month has been filled with opportunity for humility and giving. (sounds pretty, doesn’t it?)

• a debtor could not repay us on time. That payment was needed to make my payments. My pride and finances were at stake
• God revealed my sin to me – confession and repentance followed. My pride didn’t like that. Still doesn’t.
• Sharing my time with another meant I had to give up something I was really looking forward to. A lot.

A couple more things came to my attention today.

Each afternoon for the last couple of years, I have enjoyed an hour or two of quiet alone time. (I know, super duper lucky.) The children nap or watch a movie, and I disappear into the dimension of online. If I miss my quiet time … boy do I become a bear! Nothing should have that kind of hold on me!  I didn’t realize what a hold that routine has on me.

… let go.

Then there’s personal space…

One situation I found myself in was especially … ‘touchy’. So many people grouped together resulted in elbows, yelling, pushing, arms, feet – always touching. Always close. My ‘personal space’ alarm sounded for hours. Alarm! Alarm! Step away from the Kim!  Step away!

I remember one particular ‘close talker’ who would lean in closer than I’ve ever seen anyone do, which caused me to walk backward across a room – ‘close talker’ followed in close pursuit. My neck craned backward like some demented giraffe. I backed up and backed up until I finally found a chair to hide behind during our conversation.

Months later, after love had grown in my heart for this person, I noticed that I didn’t recoil when ‘close talker’ came nose-to-nose with me. I was excited to note a complete lack of disgust. I was actually amused and enjoyed her conversation. Wish I could say that’s the new me… but most of the time I just don’t want anyone so close to me.

My ‘need’ for personal space really shouldn’t have such a hold on me.

…let go.

“If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.”

Luke 17:33

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ephesians 5:21

Really?!

Lord, I know your ways are higher than my ways. You see the big picture. I’m self-centered and can only see me. I believe your words – that my life will be saved if I let go. You continue to save me from my sin, and I thank you.

This is confusing and hard and feels impossible. I’m overwhelmed by it all – all the demands to die to self. I would rather hide than work on this. I would rather turn the page than see my sin. Help me Lord not to ignore your prompting. Help me to let go of myself.

Less of me, more of you Jesus. Make me more like you.

All Stirred Up

The Holy Spirit is stirring me - to give, to love.  ... I give, but not enough. I love, but selfishly. I want to adore people with God's amazing  unconditional love.

When I think of how I can give to those in need (which is most of the world), and share what God has given me ... when I think of loving others as I would love myself, I remember a scene from Schindler's List. After the war is over, Oscar Schindler stands among the small group of survivors. They bestow gifts and gratitude on him for saving their lives. It could have been them in concentration camps, dying. But it wasn't, because he gave.  ... Oscar weeps, realizing if he had only given more - his car, his watch - anything - he could have saved more people.  ... he could have done more.    


I can do more...

This video stirs my heart again ... may I be stirred - not to settle like concrete, but stirred to be poured out - stirred to action.  Lord - break my heart, that I would give more - lots - more than I think I even can. Help me crucify my desires, and comfort as it pleases you. Help me to give that many would know you! What can I do? Jesus, show me what can I do? 



Tears of the Saints from HistoryMaker on Vimeo.

The Battle and The Sword

                                               

As the day drew near that I would speak to a room full of people, my mind flooded with doubt. And the doubt was not related at all to what I was about to do. These fiery arrows were aimed at the heart of my perception of God and self. Not now! I thought. I don’t have time to question why I exist right now!!  Even though I knew it was all built on lies, I somehow couldn’t fight feelings of condemnation. I started to crumble…

Thankfully, someone wisely pointed out the cycle. It’s not uncommon and happens to us all. Satan is on a mission to stop us, distract us, to steal and destroy. Every time I need to step up – to take any step of faith, war is waged and flaming arrows are flung.

So what can I do in the heat of battle? Sometimes at my weakest, it’s all I can do to hide behind that shield of faith. I rack my brain for evidence of God’s power in my life. As He reminds me of His faithfulness and points out His work, I remember I am not weak. I have His strength.

Believing that I’m in His hands and control, I asked God for truth and understanding. I asked Him to forgive me for being blind, and to open my eyes to the truth. Then I drew that sword of truth and hacked away at the lies. Lies. LIES!!!

The public speaking thing went well by the way. I clung to a recent challenge I’d received – ‘let your fear feed your faith’. I had two options; turn that fear into excitement and enjoy the ride, or crumble under the pressure of it and wimp out. I grabbed it with both hands, knowing God gave me this to do and is with me, so I went for it. I did it for Him, and trusted Him to provide me with words.

It was awesome – God miraculously gave me total calm. Yes, it IS a miracle. Never in my life have I spoken in front of others (or sang) without my heart pounding so hard I fear a coronary. (Even posting a devotional can get me nervous!) Each time, even the thought of standing up in front of others sends my stomach plummeting to my toes. My knees wobble and legs tremble… I begin to look around for a pail to get sick in. It’s daunting.

But this time, from the moment I arrived and even when I rose to speak, there were none of those things! Complete calm and joy. I knew then, that people were praying for me and God was with me.

The heat of battle has passed, and I’ve hacked away at the lies … but they are not gone.  The enemy continues his assault, sometimes in my subconscious – in ways I can’t even recognize. He’ll surprise me with new lies, wear me down with old ones, or confuse me with lies that look just like truth. If I cling to God and know his truth, he’ll help me see the difference. He’ll also give me the power to fight.

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10

For every child of God defeats this evil world,

and we achieve this victory through our faith.

1 John 5:4

In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith

to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. 

Put on salvation as your helmet,

and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ephesians 6:16,17

Lord, thank you for strengthening me for the tasks you give me. Thank you for the plan you have for my life. I pray you would equip me with strong faith, eyes that see truth, and a heart for you. Please sift these lies from me, that I would walk in truth and light. Thank you Lord, that I achieve victory through faith in you. You are awesome and powerful! Amen.